December 18, 2018

University of Michigan to Ex-KPMG Recruiter: ‘Keep Your Horny Ass Off Campus’

Scott Vetere

Last month, we met Scott Vetere, a 39-year-old father of three from Michigan who made a name for himself in collegiate sports in the late ’90s and early 2000s before that legacy was trumped by a series of poor choices and a little bit of hot car sex this year. In case you need a quick refresher, the then-assistant coach for the University of Michigan women’s gymnastics team and former KPMG recruiter was caught practicing his acrobatic gymnastics with an 18-year-old team member and student. This is the part in the story where y’all go “woooo, you go, Scott!” Ignoring, of course, how inappropriate it is for a coach to bang a student athlete, even if the banger in question is technically one of your own.

Yeah, so, the excitement of someone at KPMG getting laid aside, Scott and his overly flexible love interest were arrested after cops found them “tumbling” together in a vehicle parked at an apartment complex in early October. As one would expect, Vetere resigned, citing “family problems.” I’d say. We also learned that Scott had left his gig as an IT audit recruiter for KPMG late last year, and the only reason we’re referencing it is because how often do we get to write about Klynveldians getting laid, seriously.

Now comes word that Scott shouldn’t expect to return to his gig at the University of Michigan anytime soon. Or ever.

“You are not eligible for rehire at the University of Michigan due to an inappropriate relationship with a student-athlete,” a letter from the human resources department to Vetere, dated Oct. 15, and obtained by the Detroit Free Press, said. Vetere had resigned the day before.

Vetere appeared in court earlier this week to deal with that pesky “committing an indecent or obscene act in public” charge; however, a pre-trial hearing has been pushed to December at the request of his attorney.

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SHOCKER: Number of Fraud Cases in the Courts is High

In probably the most shocking news of the day, KPMG’s “fraud barometer” reports that the number of fraud cases in UK courts in the first six months of the year are the highest since the firm started issuing the report, 21 years ago.
Here in the states, the big sexy fraud gets all the attention but there is plenty of small fraud to go around. Plus, the bright side is, we’ve haven’t seen anything yet:

“These figures are bad, but the worst is yet to come,” Hitesh Patel, a partner at KPMG, said. “It will be a number of years before the impact of the recession fully feeds through into the fraud statistics.”

So our advice would be for any of you that are nervous about layoffs, look into getting transferred to the forensic accounting practice. You won’t be out of work any time soon.
Record total of fraud cases in court – and worse to come [FT.com]

Promotion Watch: KPMG

Forgive us for being a little behind on this, we’re still twisting arms out there:
On July 15th, the Radio Station announced the promotion of 874 new Senior Managers and Managers. This compares to 1,228 that got the bump last year.
Some might say that there were less people up for promotion this year, hence the drop. Others might say “that’s because I got the axe and now live on government cheese”.
Click on the image below for a full-size view of the announcement (please note the crookedness as a sign of authenticity). Anyway, congrats to all the new taskmasters managers at KPMG!
kmpg_memo.gif