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The Year Ahead Poll Results

Posted on by Caleb Newquist

The voting ended last night and we know your anticipation is reaching fever pitch so we’ve finally presented the results, after the jump.


1. White Collar Slavery: 47.3%
2. Happiness Rating: Zero: 26%
3. Swap Green Visors:13.7%
4. Big Four Union: 13%
Troubling news as you can see. Nearly 75% of you are expecting to be underpaid and miserable. We recommend that you start some sort of cash only business and get your asses into therapy.
The bottom 27% of you seem to be proactive at least but 13% of you may be viewed by some as socialists. However, that seems to be the hot thing these days so we say go for it.

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According to a tip we received, The Baumer and Co. has now decided that those of you that remain will be rewarded with the ability to make banal status updates at work:

During the experienceAugust all-personnel call, Ed Nusbaum announced the firm’s plans to open access to several external Web sites from Grant Thornton’s network. These sites include social networking and personal email sites such as Facebook, Yahoo! Mail, Gmail, and MSN Hotmail.
I am pleased to announce that access to these sites is now open.

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Philip Morris: Hey, We Do Good You Know

The benevolence of a cigarette company is quite a touching thing. Footnoted.org has a post today showing how the mother of all cigarette companies is helping out various governments around the world:

Need proof? Just look at slide #13, which showed the price of a pack of Marlboros in the Ukraine climbing a whopping 78% since January 2008. Slide #12 shows how taxes have also increased dramatically in the Ukraine, rising more than four-fold since Jan. 2008. Despite these sharp price hikes, slide #14 shows that a pack of Marlboros is still cheaper than many other things that consumers might buy in the Ukraine, including a movie ticket, a bottle of Budweiser, a Big Mac, and Colgate toothpaste. Milk, bread, Coke and beer are cheaper than a pack of Marlboros, the slide shows.

That’s right, Ukrainians! Not only is Philip Morris helping your government, their product is cheaper than imported beer, fast food, and toothpaste.
We’re Philip Morris and we care about killing you cheaper than alcohol and unhealthy food. Die slowly with us!

Philip Morris is here to help…[Footnoted.org]