The Six Kinds of Regret You’ll Experience Now That Busy Season Is Over

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For weeks on end now your entire existence has revolved around busy season and all the misery that brings. Your significant other hasn’t heard from you in days and even your dog is suspicious of you when you finally arrive home late in the evening, suspecting you might be a burglar. Your best friend is the Postmates guy who probably knows more about you and your habits than your own mother. Suffice to say, you’ve rearranged your life around this trying time of year.

And now it’s over. So where do you go from here? After a well-deserved nap, of course. It’s normal to need a bit of time to decompress, kind of like when hostages are rescued and slowly introduced back into society.

I’m a Terrible Pet Owner Regret

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Hey, remember that furry little critter that shares your home with you? Yeah, that’s yours. You pledged to care of it for a lifetime, but shit happens (quite literally, actually, when we’re talking about pets), and thanks to busy season, you might be a few months behind on grooming. Don’t beat yourself up too bad, just be sure to take that good boi to the park this weekend to catch up on some quality ball-throwing time.

I’m an Entire Season Behind Regret

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The underrated gift of modern times is binge-watching TV on demand. I’m old enough to remember when we had to sit in front of the VCR and manually press play in the hopes I could catch “Headbangers Ball” on time, assuming grandma wasn’t tying up our only TV by falling asleep on the couch to CNN yet again. You kids don’t know how good you have it, seriously. Still, if you’ve been neck-deep in busy season, chances are you may have missed entire seasons of your favorite show. Lucky for you it’s right there at the press of a button. Settle in and indulge, you earned it.

The Spores Have Set In Regret

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Why the hell don’t you have a maid? Did playing The Sims not teach you anything? Even just a monthly deep clean is so worth it, especially when you spend a mere seven hours a day at your home, the majority of which are dedicated to sleeping. If you’re not the maid-having type, chances are busy season did a number on your home. Do yourself a favor and just hire someone to take care of that disgusting mess.

The Stranger in My Bed Regret

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Your wife/husband/significant other/fuckbuddy is a gosh darn saint for putting up with you all these weeks. If you’re extra lucky, they walked your dog and took out your trash while you were aimlessly wandering from a den of spreadsheets, home to bed, and then back to your hellish work nest again. Maybe it’s a good thing you’ve hardly seen them through busy season; your relationship will be like new again! Or not. Maybe it’ll be creepy when you find this stranger spooning you in the middle of the night. Whatever. Take them out for dinner and get re-acquainted. Or better, have them take you out.

The Text Queue Regret

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Just like your dog and your SO, your friends have probably been missing you while you’ve been held captive by busy season. You may have dozens of text messages that you thought you responded to or meant to get to but never did. Time to hit up all those third-rate pals and let them know you’re still alive. Don’t bother with the “sorry, I was busy” explainer, you’re cutting into all important GoT binging time by explaining yourself to people you can barely be arsed to speak to a few times a year.

The Vitamin D Deficiency Regret

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Look, we know you’re eager to get outside during daylight. You’re looking pastier than a slab of pastry dough in a Tasty cooking video if you’re on the low melanin spectrum. Look on the bright side (no pun), the lack of sunlight means your skin isn’t aging as fast as those losers who actually get outside from January to April. Still, you need some Vit D. Get your ass outside and soak that shit up.

Look, now that busy season has ended. you probably regret a lot of things, from neglecting your relationship to not cleaning your toilet in far too long. At the end of the day, who cares? Unless a colony of roaches has moved into your house while you’ve been grinding away in the name of client service, fuck it, it is what it is.

Congratulations, you survived another year!

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