August 11, 2020

puns

securities and exchange commission

As I Live and Breathe, the SEC’s Fort Worth Office Has a Great Twitter Account

Okay, if you hate puns, or word play in general, mixed in with your securities enforcement and oversight info then you won’t think it’s great, but then that would make you a hater of great things. Here’s today. We asked our accountants to move a heavy box out of the way, but they couldn’t budget. […]

Further Evidence That Accountants Suck at Math

Immaterial! Our Philadelphia office celebrating Pi Day! 3.14159265359… #McGladreyCareers #LifeAtMcGladrey #PiDay http://t.co/ChNIIJQDmE — McGladrey Careers (@LifeatMcGladrey) March 13, 2015 Presumably, these Philly McGs are auditors because you KNOW the tax folks will be celebrating the real Pi day at the office tomorrow.

Dear IRS, Please Make More Parody Videos

Everybody can shut the hell up because I love the IRS's Star Trek and Gilligan's Island videos. Don't get me wrong. I regularly benefit from the IRS being a convenient whipping-boy and joke-butt, and these videos suck major donk. But that's why I love them … because the IRS took a risk.

CPA Exam Candidate’s Study Break Results in Caption Ingenuity

As many of you are painfully aware, accountants aren’t generally known for their sense of humor. DUIs? Maybe. Organizational skills? Definitely. Freakish ability to memorize a dictionary’s worth of FASB ASCs? Sadly, yes.

But every now and then, the world is blessed with an accountant who smashes the mold.

Case in point, 24-year-old David Woodbridge. A native of Lake Forest, IL, Woodbridge just won the New Yorker’s caption contest for his chortle-worthy caption which appeared in the magazine’s October 10th issue. Odds of winning the contest are estimated at 1 in 10,000 due to the large number of submissions, according to the magazine’s cartoon editor. Anyone care to take a guess on the odds that an accountant could win the contest?

The best part of the story? He came up with the winning entry while taking a break from studying for the CPA exam:

Woodbridge said he first tried the contest about three years ago but gave up after not winning after several attempts. Upon graduating from college, he decided to try the weekly contest again this summer while studying for the CPA exam.

Now I know what you’re asking… what was this hilarious caption?

Woodbridge’s winning caption was “Looks like they’re making cuts at the top” to a drawing of two janitors standing in the lobby of a building with headless corporate executives entering the building around them. He beat out “I dare anyone to say we missed a spot” and “It seems a bit extreme, but it does keep the zombies away” to win an original drawing of his captioned cartoon (valued at $250).

Uhhh… congrats?

Omaha Mayor Proposes Crappy Idea to Fund Sewer Improvements

Omaha Mayor Jim Suttle was at the U.S. Conference of Mayors this week to brainstorm solutions to various problems with his fellow hizzoners. Omaha, for one, needs to make improvements to its sewer system to the tune of $1.7 billion. So it makes perfect sense for Suttle to suggest a simple way to get to the source of this problem:

Among the items on his brainstorming list: a proposal for a 10-cent federal tax on every roll of toilet paper you buy. Based on the four-pack price for Charmin double rolls Tuesday at a midtown Hy-Vee, such a tax would add more than 10 percent to the per-roll price, pushing it over a buck.

But just because Scuttle is throwing this out there doesn’t mean he’s on board with it; he’s just come up with solutions:

The idea came from a failed 2009 House measure by an Oregon congressman to help cities and the environment. “I heard about it and said, ‘Well, this is simple. Let’s put it on the table,’” said Suttle. “It doesn’t mean I endorse it.

Suttle unrolls toilet paper tax [OWH via TaxProf]

PwC Introduces Cleverly-Named Fortnightly Social Function

I overheard – and by that I mean someone sent us the gchat – the following conversation that occurred earlier today regarding friendly get-togethers that will be going down at 300 Madison starting next Thursday.

[Someone at PwC]: From my good friend [Someone else at PwC]
[Someone at PwC, quoting an email]: Take a break. Unwind. Catch up with your coach or colleagues. Enjoy refreshments. Play a game. Right here in 300 Madison at our new Post work Connections. Designed to show appreciation for everything you do — and to provide a place for you and your colleagues — to meet and get to know people. It’s a place to just have fun! Post work Connections will be open every other Thursday, from 5:00-8:00 p.m., in 300 Madison’s deck/cafeteria, from March 24 – June 16. We look forward to seeing you at our grand opening on March 24. Give it a try. There will be beer, wine, soda, snacks, games — and raffles for prizes! Get caught in the act of having fun at work! Hope to see you there!
[Someone at PwC]: Note that post work connections starts with PwC
[Someone who knows someone at PwC]: Good lord
[Someone who knows someone at PwC]: That’s epic
[Someone who knows someone at PwC]: Is the “post work connections starts with..” comment theirs or yourts
[Someone at PwC]: Mine
[Someone who knows someone at PwC]: Love it.

Personally, I’m mostly curious about the “games” aspect of these events. Are we talking Risk™? Beer pong? Scrabble™? Or we talking an Angry Birds round-robin tournament? Regardless, we’ll be interested to hear how these Thursday ragers will go. Keep us in the loop.

An IRS agent walks into a CFO’s office…

This was sent to me by my 69-year-old landlord who is spending his winter in Florida and we humbly present it to you now for your reading pleasure during this lovely busy season.

At the end of the tax year, the IRS office sent an inspector to audit the books of a local hospital. While the IRS agent was checking the books he turned to the CFO of the hospital and said, “I notice you buy a lot of bandages. What do you do with the end of the roll when there’s too little left to be of any use?”

“Good question,” noted the CFO. “We save them up and send them back to the bandage company and every now and then they send us a free box of bandages.”

“Oh,” replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer. But on he went, in his obnoxious way. “What about all these plaster purchases? What do you do with what’s left over after setting a cast on a patient?”

“Ah, yes,” replied the CFO, realizing that the inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question. “We save it and send it back to the manufacturer, and every now and then they send us a free package of plaster.”

“I see,” replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster the know-it-all CFO. “Well,” he went on, “What do you do with all the leftover foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?”

“Here, too, we do not waste,” answered the CFO. “What we do is save all the little foreskins and send them to the IRS office, and about once a year they send us a complete dick.”

Starwood Hotels CFO Not in Denial About This Egypt Situation

Frankly, it’s bad for business:

“The political turmoil in North Africa, especially Egypt, is of course hurting our business,” said Vasant Prabhu, vice chairman and chief financial officer of the hotelier during a post-earnings conference call Thursday. He noted Starwood has 16 hotels across North Africa that generated between $10 million to $12 million in fees last year.

“We expect that our fees will be hit in North Africa,” he added. “It is too early to tell how we will be impacted, but this is clearly a risk that needs to be closely monitored.”

Is This PwC Auditor Your Next American Idol?

Everyone calm down. Steve Beguhn (we’ve finally confirmed the correct spelling) has a long way to go. But dude can sing. And he’s pretty funny.

The only problem I foresee is that I’ll have to start watching the show. For those of you on Facebook (i.e. everyone) you can ‘Like’ Steve here.

What do you guys think of Steve’s chances? Leave your well wishes or your best Simon Cowell critique in the comments.

UPDATE: Just a few particulars on Steve – he’s a Senior Associate in Milwaukee, has been with PwC since Fall of ’07 and interned prior to joining the firm full time. Oh, and he’s not in the office today, so if you’re around Steve, email me.