I’m completely nonplussed

Unhappy KPMG Employees Need to Quit Making Excuses

Like every company out there, KPMG has its share of unhappy people. It’s unavoidable when people are working long hours, have random employees emailing colleagues and your boss’s alma mater can’t field a decent football team.

But it was recently brought to our attention that despite the Kranky Klynveldians out there, KPMG was recently recognized by Forbes as one of America’s Happiest Companies.


Yes, it’s true! The list is alphabetical but it only features ten companies so you know this isn’t one of those catch-all lists that just gets thrown together. Seriously, the firm is on their with Google and Zappos, two of the most notoriously nauseatingly gleeful companies on the planet.

But why is KPMG one of the hap, hap, happiest? Simple. It comes down to education. From Forbes’s list:

[The Company] [i]nvests in happiness training; allows employees to take partially paid leaves for up to 12 weeks; encourages flexible scheduling and formal mentoring programs.

So the bottom line is that if you work at KPMG and you’re unhappy, you’ve got no one to blame but yourself. Money be damned. Get your ass to happiness training, take copious notes and you’ll be whistling to work in no time.

Unfounded Rumor of the Afternoon: PwC Making Mid-year Salary Adjustments?

From the mailbag:

There are rumors that pwc is planning on doing something similar [to Deloitte]. In one of the meetings with an audit team, Tim Ryan [one of your Thanksgiving Day hosts] mentioned that there would be bonuses and salary adjustments sometime in December.

What in the name of superficial corporate gratitude is going on here? First, iPhones and holiday ho-downs but now rumors of MID-YEAR RAISES? Is the new logo making that big of a difference already?

Area Man Sentenced to Serve Pizzas in Lieu of Jail for Sales Tax Fraud

Buffalo. City Mission. Tuesdays. For a year. Unless you’re really hard up for some nourishment, we would avoid with extreme prejudice. This will make the Denny’s freebies look like a mess hall at Fort Bragg.

Joseph J. Jacobbi, 57, operator of Casa-Di-Pizza, a popular Elmwood Avenue restaurant, was spared a jail term on his massive sales tax fraud case, but the judge Monday ordered him to deliver 12 sheet pizzas to the City Mission once a week on Tuesdays for the next 52 weeks, beginning [yesterday].

After Jacobbi turned over a check for $25,000 — part of the $104,295.31 court officials said he withheld from the state between March 2004 and the end of May 2008 — the judge ordered the weekly pizza deliveries as a form of community service.

“I will leave the choice of toppings up to you,” he told the nonplussed restaurant owner.

Not that we don’t appreciate the judge’s creative sentence but shouldn’t the people at the mission get to choose the toppings?

Oh, wait…

Tax cheat sentenced to serve … pizzas [Buffalo News via TaxProf]

PwC Achieves Dynasty Status on Training Magazine’s Top 125

Did you think that the Big 4 domination of all magazine lists was over? Jesus, were you wrong. Not only is PwC numero uno on Training Magazine’s Top 125, they’ve been in the top spot for three years running. Clearly this is solidifies the dynasty for P. Dubs.

Personally we don’t think it would be that hard to get on this particular list. You fly everyone to a relatively large city that has bars, casinos, and strip clubs near the hotel and you’ll get some positive feedback regardless of the boring topics discussed.

The magazine lists its criteria for measurement (and, shockingly, our criteria wasn’t mentioned) so we can understand how this index of companies was cooked up:

• Training tied to business objectives

• Demonstrable results

• Number of trainers

• Employee turnover and retention

• Leadership development

• Tuition assistance

• Training technology and infrastructure

• Certification

• Training budget and percentage of payroll

Because we know you’re wondering, only two other firms made it on to the list: KPMG at #5 and Grant Thornton at #103. So this begs the question: WTF E&Y and Deloitte? Completely SHUT OUT? Are your efforts being expended elsewhere? Deloitte’s diversity trainings don’t count? What about the Deloitte University plans; doesn’t that count for something? Sorry, E&Y; the donuts and secure bathrooms obviously don’t help you on this list.

Never mind those losers; back in Titletown, you had better believe P. Dubs put out a press release. Our favorite part being the last paragraph before the “About” section where it catalogs every list the firm has ever been on for the past decade and a half. We get the picture P. Dubs. You can make it on to lists. Good job. Please feel free to notify us directly for the next one.

Digitial Issue [Training Magazine]