Back with another edition of “Accountants’ Questions: ANSWERED!” – a reader needs advice on the age-old question (for about a decade or so) of explaining why fantasy football is always on your laptop.
Caught in an accounting career conundrum? Looking for some atypical icebreakers for your next firm event? Want advice on how break free from the unwelcome massage that creepy co-worker always tries to give you? Email us at email@example.com and we’ll dish it out.
Back to our gridiron geek:
How do I explain why fantasy football is always up on my laptop?
Many cube dwellers have had the unenviable experience of explaining why an imaginary roster of players is constantly on their laptop screens. The temptation to always have it available at a moment’s notice is completely understandable since at the drop of a hat someone’s penis (allegedly!) can end up on the web and his backup is instantly becomes a hot commodity.
For many of you vets out there, years of experience has afforded you to develop your own techniques, so please share your best methods. As for some general advice, there are some key things to remember/consider:
1. Include a manager/partner in your league – That will allow you invoke “team building” and “rapport.”
2. Key Shortcuts are your friend – Two words: Alt-tab. You don’t have to explain anything if you’re fast enough.
3. Cite research – Studies show that time on the web boosts productivity. Explain to your taskmaster that you’re simply saving time by keeping the Fantasy screen available at all times. Further explain that the amount of time that you actually spend looking at it is miniscule compared to the spreadsheet for that analytic.
4. You’re human – If you find yourself schelping for a fantasy-hating superior, simply point to everything you’ve accomplished in the past hour/day/week and you’re simply taking a break. What are you, a robot?
The most important thing to remember is to have other tabs in your browser with things that are, at the very least semi-related to work. This way, you don’t have to explain yourself every time someone pops in. Keep a relevant section of the tax code open. Or a SFAS that is currently giving you fits (even if it isn’t). Or a substantive article from this fine publication.
Just because you have an imaginary football roster available at all times, doesn’t mean that you also aren’t struggling through a mind bending financial reporting issue or keeping abreast of the haps in the industry.
Oh, and for the love of God, keep your cool and play like it’s NBD. “Oh, that? Yeah. I’ve been sitting on this trade and this stupid person in my league was bothering me about it. Just trying to get them off my back.” There’s nothing worse than someone stammering for an awkward answer to an awkward question.
Again, we’re sure there are many advanced techniques out there, so we invite you to share yours below.
As you’re no doubt aware, this past Saturday the college football season began and on Sunday the NFL kicks off their season. For many of you with a pigskin-crazed significant other, this means that you won’t be seeing much of him or her on the weekends for the rest of the year.
This also means that thousands of hours will be wasted by (primarily) men at work and in their free time, antagonizing over the players on their rosters* and coming up with lame trash talk for their upcoming opponents. For the most part, the gajillion of dollars lost in productivity and the strain put on relationships is accepted by society (there are exceptions).
Football is more of a religion than any of the faiths these days anyway. Plus, we’re fairly certain that men sitting on their asses while ingesting meat and watching freakishly obsese men (and a few athletes) sacrifice life and limb is all but guaranteed by The Constitution. Fantasy football is a mere extension of this phenomenon.
Anyway, there has to be a king of this geekfest of stats, laptops and greasy food and his name is John Rozek. And he is an accountant.
More technically, Rozek is “king of fantasy football by the World Championship of Fantasy Sports, the big dog in big-money, faux-football leagues.” The World Championship of Fantasy Sports (“WCOFS”) will be awarding $2 million in prize money this year which should allow some of the big winners to actually get laid.
Rozek (who won $25k last year in various leagues) doesn’t claim to be a guru, just smarter than the born losers he plays against, “You have to take advantage of people not making the best picks,” he told the Trib. “And you can’t fall in love with players.”
This really shouldn’t surprise you one iota. Looking over a mess of seemingly meaningless numbers, maintaining objectivity, impervious to distractions like spouse, kids, etc. when its busy and/or football season is what accountants so good at their jobs in the first place. It’s like revealing that an accountant is the best at stamp collecting (we’re sure it’s a fine hobby) or a World of Warcraft champion. Most people’s reaction would be, “Meh. I could’ve guessed that.”
*Full disclosure: I am in one league and my team will be dominating this year.
Deloitte is officially the first Big 4 firm to succumb to their World Cup fever. Understanding that a large portion of its 160,000-ish employees will be completely unproductive for the next month, rather than take reactionary measures, D has instead decided to encourage participation the Deloitte World Cup Fantasy League.
Don’t worry if you happen to work at a less cool firm that would never encourage such egregious behavior, anyone can play in Deloitte’s World Cup Fantasy League, so some KPMG folk can enjoy a little international competition and sport denim twice a week.
PLUS! You could throw some of your hard-earned money around based on PricewaterhouseCoopers picking Brazil as the favorite but Deloitte would rather you spend your precious chargeability obsessing over the hottest player about to go cold in order to win a replica of the World Cup trophy.
And if that’s not worth your time then maybe you aren’t capable of being pleased by anything. Except for perhaps more images of football stars with their shirts off.
[h/t The Big Four Blog]