July 16, 2018

Legitimate business expenses

Dennis Kozlowski Would Like to Know Why More People Aren’t Outraged About These Epic Tyco Parties

A couple of weeks ago we told you about fired Tyco accountant Jeff Weist who wasn’t really into, among other things, mermaid greeters and costumed wenches. Whether or not he’s not a fan of starfish bikinis wasn’t the issue, it was the principle of the matter.

You see, some Tyco executives got into a bit of trouble back in the day for some accounting fraud but the kicker was the footage of a four-day “Roman orgy” rager in Sardinia. The jury didn’t have much problem throwing the book at former CEO Dennis Kozlowski and former CFO Mark Swartz after concluding that awesome party = crooked execs. Weist figured the company didn’t really need more trouble so he raised a fuss over the expenses for another epic bash that was being planned for execs in the Bahamas.


FOX Business Network’s Neil Cavuto got wind of this and had Weist on his program only to do most of the talking. When Weist was able to squeeze a word in, he didn’t exactly come across as a fun-loving guy but more like your typical accountant that would probably frown on these types of shenanigans. Nevertheless, Weist was given the boot and that has caused a bit of stir – specifically, Weist filing suit against Tyco.

Anyway, a guy that knows a little something about awesome parties – Dennis Kozlowski – caught Cavuto’s little program and felt obligated to write a letter (a copy follows in the following pages) expressing his disappointment.

Koz writes, “As I write this letter in my 6′ x 9′ cell jail cell, all I can muster in response to your show is ‘My, how things have changed.’ ”

Right! Like, how on Earth can you justify stingray feedings? COME ON. You want sexy men and women running around in togas, that’s understandable. You just raid your linen closet and you’re good to go. But can you believe someone would throw a corporate bash in the Western Hemisphere? Shameful.

He goes on to hem and haw that if it wasn’t for some idiot deciding to tape his little bash in Sardinia, which was later shown to 12 Manhattan jurors, he wouldn’t even be in this predicament. Further, DK would like to know where the outrage is re: the mermaids, wenches, tattoo artists, bonuses and so forth, “With the Tyco extravaganza where employees were paid ‘bonuses’ to attend, you have to ask where is the outrage?”

Well? Outrage? Anyone? The man is in a prison upstate and he can’t hear you!



Maybe the Fired Tyco Accountant Just Isn’t into Awesome Parties

Fired Tyco Accountant (and no fan of mermaids or wenches) Jeff Wiest was on Neil Cavuto last night and he attempts to explain his story where he would not approve of some expenses for, what sounds to be, a pretty kick ass party that any one of you would love to attend. Regardless, it wasn’t Jeff’s job to judge the awesomeness of said party but merely to determine if the bash was for legitimate business purposes.

In his opinion, the mermaid greeters, wenches, tattoo artists, so on and so forth were simply too extravagant and no one at Tyco was going to convince him otherwise.


As you can see, Jeff manages to tell his story despite appearing pretty nervous and dealing with several Cavuto outbursts (he has no time for the delicate intricacies of expense approval, get to the mermaids!).

But in part deuce, Jeff gets all accountant-y, discussing intricate details of Sarbanes-Oxley and Cavuto will not stand for it. Neil finally levels with the guy saying that he goes to plenty of Fox Biz shindigs (awesome ones, at that) and it’s NBD. So what the hell man? Are you just not a fun guy?

Stingray feedings! Who wouldn’t want to feed a stingray? And of course Cavuto likes the mermaid greeters (which somehow gets a chuckle out of Jeff) but who doesn’t, amiright?