July 21, 2018

Chuck Liddell

KPMG Knows You’re Feeling Like a Fatty

Yes. You. Spending day after day at that desk, consuming a steady diet of red meat, bagels loaded with cream cheese that is going straight to your [insert problem area] and, of course, caffeine. Sweet, sweet caffeine.

It all adds up to a bunch of tubby Klynveldians, and tubby = not happy. This is not lost on the leadership at KPMG. They want you to know that they want to help you lose that paunch ASAP and they are prepared to offer you a human being to assist you.

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, more than one-third of American adults are overweight, and many people are actively seeking a solution for weight loss. Losing weight isn’t just about looking better in the mirror—being overweight can contribute to a range of health issues, including heart disease, diabetes, hypertension, and even certain types of cancers.

Lots of us have tried to lose weight, but find ourselves giving up because it can be tough to do. But what if you had your own weight-loss coach, someone who could provide personalized guidance about nutrition and exercise, and provide strategies geared toward your specific situation? What if you could call that coach as many times as you wanted over a six-month period, when you had a question or needed some encouragement?

You can have just that, at no cost to you, thanks to KPMG and LifeWorks through the iCanChange program. iCanChange gives you access to a dedicated, experienced and credentialed health coach who will help you identify goals, strengths, challenges, and strategies for managing your weight.

You will be able to receive four scheduled calls from your coach, and you can call him/her as many times as you would like over a six-month period. Your coach will help you track your progress and set realistic goals to lead you along the road toward losing weight.

So, just who exactly is KPMG recruiting to help these numbers nerds get back in fighting shape? Richard Simmons? Chuck Liddel? Phil Mickelson?

Assuming this doesn’t have to wait until after busy season you best get crackin’ in case Radio City announces its own Canadian Tuxedo reprieve. Fat guy in a little denim coat is not a good look.

Your Next Career: Ultimate Fighting Champion

Thumbnail image for Chuck_Liddell_001.jpgYesterday we suggested some of you might be interested in slumming it for the McDonald’s of the tax prep world. We understand that some of you are way too special to even consider that, so we’ll suggest something completely different.

With all the rage in some of you out there, you’d think that some of you would wake up and get yourselves into psychoanalysis. If you’re Irish, obviously this won’t work, and some of you are interested in getting in touch with your feelings. Fine. Get your rage worked out in the Octagon rather than your gray cubicle. Chuck Liddell will gladly bash your face in while reciting the basic accounting equation to you. Perhaps he even has an opinion on global accounting convergence.

Turns out that Liddell, prior to deciding that knocking people out, appearing on Entourage and dating Playboy playmates was only slightly more fun, got an accounting degree from California Polytech. Look at this guy. If this guy was your audit manager, don’t you think the client would quit f*cking with you? It’s too bad Chuck, you could have been one of the great ones.
As for the rest of you, we realize that this might be a stretch since giving up soda and adhering to any sort of exercise regimen aren’t really realistic but we’re trying to present options people. This seems like a decent one.