When Jack Nicholson jaunted on stage last night to present the best picture Oscar, I think we all expected him to be shitfaced. And he did not disappoint. What we didn't expect was Jack to hand off to Michelle Obama who said some things about how we like movies, yada, yada yada while some military-looking folk beamed in her direction. After the FLOTUS's little spiel, we were reminded of the nominees again and then McMurphy went back to Mrs. O for the winner.
And lo and behold, who's Johnny-on-the-spot with the envelope? It's BoMo, of course!
Just part of the job. Snap poll — does he rent or own his tuxedo?
But there's a more important question. If the Best Picture envelope was in DC, how do we know that there wasn't some kind of breach in while it traveled from the secret counting location in L.A. all the way across the country? And we're not the only ones wondering:
PwC, please explain to me how you got the top secret secure envelope with best picture to Mrs. Obama appearing live from the White House?
And whose idea it was? How did PwC get the old coots that make up the majority of the Academy comfortable with their methodology? Did the envelope fly on a commercial flight or did Bob Moritz charter a jet to go pick it up personally? Or better yet did he go by jet pack? Was the envelope in briefcase locked to his wrist or were more secure measures required? How do we know that BoMo didn't very carefully open it himself to take a peek, call his wife, swear her to secrecy, and carefully re-seal it with the special PwC adhesive? WE MUST KNOW.
Can you imagine if something had happened that resulted in the envelope being lost or compromised? After a media firestorm, The Academy would have fired PwC only to replace them with KPMG which would result in a mass return of PwC partners to KPMG. A Congressional Committee would look into the methodologies used to protect the BP envelope and a disgraced BoMo would be called to testify, having no choice but to tell the story of how PwC advised The Academy against such a reckless idea, producing smoking gun emails from Lotus Notes. The Academy would in-turn blame the Obamas. California representatives would bring impeachment charges against the President and we'd have the biggest domestic crisis since 9/11. Ultimately, the President would resign prior to the Senate trial and the Obamas would be shunned by Hollywood for all eternity.
But luckily, everything seemed to work out fine; just seemed like an inordinate risk taken by all parties involved.
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