Ladies, Forget the Career and Accomplish the Important Goals Like Finding a Man

I can't even. Can't. Tried, read it a few times just to make sure I was reading what I thought I was and confirmed this is, in fact, the year 2014 and not 1914 when I read it again. Nope, she said that.

To what could I be referring? This wonderful piece in the Wall Street Journal that should inspire career-driven women everywhere to ditch the sensible heels and work on what's truly important in life: finding a man.

Another Valentine's Day. Another night spent ordering in sushi for one and mooning over "Downton Abbey" reruns. Smarten up, ladies.

Despite all of the focus on professional advancement, for most of you the cornerstone of your future happiness will be the man you marry. But chances are that you haven't been investing nearly as much energy in planning for your personal happiness as you are planning for your next promotion at work. What are you waiting for? You're not getting any younger, but the competition for the men you'd be interested in marrying most definitely is.

Think about it: If you spend the first 10 years out of college focused entirely on building your career, when you finally get around to looking for a husband you'll be in your 30s, competing with women in their 20s. That's not a competition in which you're likely to fare well. If you want to have children, your biological clock will be ticking loud enough to ward off any potential suitors. Don't let it get to that point.

I thought today was Valentine's Day, not April Fools.

BUT WAIT, it gets better:

You should be spending far more time planning for your husband than for your career—and you should start doing so much sooner than you think. This is especially the case if you are a woman with exceptionally good academic credentials, aiming for corporate stardom.

Lady, I don't know what kind of strange religious cult you were born into but did you read what you wrote?

So forget clawing your way to the top, ladies, you better focus on finding the man of your dreams because you sure aren't going to find him if you're too busy, I don't know, being independent and making a life for yourself that doesn't include a man and 2.5 tax deductions fresh out of college.

Hey, this would sure make diversity initiatives a lot easier for the firms. "We want to promote more women but there aren't any, they all got married at 21 and wasted their accounting degree… but they make a mean tuna casserole and the house is always clean when their husbands come home!"

Not all women want marriage or motherhood, but if you do, you have to start listening to your gut and avoid falling for the P.C. feminist line that has misled so many young women for years. There is nothing incongruous about educated, ambitious women wanting to be wives and mothers. Don't let anyone tell you that these traditional roles are retrograde; they are perfectly natural and even wonderful. And if you fail to identify "the one" while you're in college, don't worry—there's always graduate school.

I just threw up in my mouth a little bit. I should, of course, disclaim my disgust by pointing out that I am in my mid 30s and unmarried — been there, done that, got the t-shirt and will never ride that ride again. More power to marriage-driven 20 year olds who are on the hunt for "the one" but who is this lady to say a career-minded professional woman can't have it all?

According to her, if you wait too long to find a husband, you're going to be digging through the man discount bin and stuck with whatever loser is left much like husbands everywhere today will be running to the drug store for the last filthy I LOVE YOU teddy bear in the hopes of getting a beej tonight. *barf*

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