September 26, 2018

Kids Don’t Say They Want to Grow Up to Be CPAs Because Kids are Dumb

This Way to CPA has stooped to a new low, insulting children. Sure the little snot-nosed brats aren't very smart but do we really need to say that out loud?

We all know the youth of America is pretty doomed as is but I'm fairly sure little kids saying they want to be CPAs when they grow up is one of the signs of the Apocalypse.

"And I saw another mighty intern come down from heaven, clothed with a wrinkled blue shirt: and a smart haircut was upon his head, and his face was as it were the sun, and his feet as pillars of loafers: And he had in his hand a Financial Accounting book open: and he set his right foot upon the sea, and his left foot on the earth, And cried with a loud voice, as when a lion roareth: and when he had cried, seven audit committee members uttered their voices. And when the seven audit committee members had uttered their voices, I was about to write: and I heard a voice from heaven saying unto me, Seal up those things which the seven audit committee members uttered, and audit them not."

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

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Guess What My Intern Did?

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So today, in the spirit of the intern-season, we’re launching the first edition of “Guess What My Intern Did?” because sometimes they can do stupid things and we want to hear about it.
Examples could possibly include: any kind of shameless, awkward sexual advances on superiors; asking he/she to get a copy of an email from the asshole CFO; showing up to work hung over smelling like Ken Lewis; You get the idea.

Grant Thornton Interns Don’t Get Coffee, Thankyouverymuch

inerncoffee.jpgLast week we asked for some perspective on the chicanery and lovable idiocy of your interns. Today we learn that about a Grant Thornton intern who “verifies that clients’ accounting records are accurate and sits in on important meetings.”
That’s right, interns are verifying accounting records and going to important meetings. Probably the type of meetings where they get to take notes on internal control procedures while the experienced associates can barely keep from strangling themselves with a network cable.
Yet, life remains unfair for the interns, “Interns who talked to RedEye said they are gaining experience to prepare them for the workforce, but increased intern responsibilities typically don’t come with increased pay or perks or even more respect.”
After going to those important meetings, interns still aren’t feeling respected people. No increased pay. No perks. How can this be? Haven’t they done enough? They tried to earn your respect by making the copies that you asked for and getting totally bombed at firm events. They didn’t mean to ask so many questions about the copier. They’re just new, so they want to make sure they don’t screw anything up.
What else can they do? Shine your shoes? Fill your car up with gas? Buy your lunch (they’re probably making more than associates on a per hour basis anyway)? The summer internship season is winding down so make sure you’re letting them know (and us) how they can go that extra mile to get that full-time offer.
Chicago interns move up corporate ladder [Redeye]