September 21, 2019

It Appears As Though Deloitte’s Recent Gen Y Survey May Have Been Rigged

Does everyone remember Barry Salzberg's article in Forbes that finally shed light on the elusive wants and needs of the Gen Y digital ninjas? I know everyone was probably thrilled to finally understand what it is Millennials want since we've all been sitting here scratching our balding gray heads trying to figure it out.

Anyone with half a brain knew Barry was obviously pandering but thanks to one commenter, we may have a bit more insight into why Deloitte's survey showed its young staff care about silly things like social justice and mobile technology. While we can't confirm this statement for obvious reasons, the survey results were so far-fetched and ridiculous that I can only assume everything written below is true:

I am laughing. I am one of the 1000 who took the idiotic survey Barry talks about. I remember wondering what they were up to, because all the questions were written to steer the respondents to these exact responses. "Fuck you, pay me" was not among the possible answers. All the questions were written as if they presupposed that your major motivations centered around social justice and mobile technology in the workplace. You couldn't really answer truthfully.

Now that I see this article, the point of that survey becomes clear. Yep, just another bullshit marketing tool. Notice that Barry made a point of talking about mobile technology? What an interesting coincidence that Deloitte has recently been buying up other businesses (Übermind, anyone?) [Ed. note: Here's the story] that specialize in this area. "Millennials want mobile tech! Let Deloitte sell you the solution!" The funny part is that I'm actually not a millennial. I'm 42 years old, right smack in the middle of gen x. But since I'm only in my second year with the firm, the morons who administered this survey just assumed that I'm a twenty-something. So they sent me an invitation to participate in their bogus survey. 

I wonder if any of the clients and potential clients for whom Barry's comments are really intended actually believe any of this bullshit.

Well well, you don't say! A 42-year-old "accidentally" gets a copy of the survey and finds the possible answers to be carefully manufactured and guided so that no one could actually say they are driven more by money than the fallacy of business changing the world? As bizarre as it sounds, anyone who read Barry's fluff piece in Forbes can see why it's completely believable.

The ironic part here is that Barry himself recognized that Millennials aren't easily bullshitted (apparently neither are their Gen X predecessors):

Did I mention that this media-savvy generation is also jaded and suspicious? Unimpressed by title, well-traveled, and immune to P.R. in the old sense?  To anyone who imagines their heartstrings can be nimbly plucked, good luck.

You might not be able to nimbly pluck their heartstrings but apparently you can cattle-herd them into a predetermined survey conclusion with the right set of carefully crafted questions and answers.

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