September 22, 2018

IRS Agents Pack Heat, Rarely Discharge

IRS agents have guns. By that I don't mean huge biceps.1 I mean the things Ted Nugent uses to shoot elk and open beers and unclog toilets.

In 2008, when I was about to graduate with my B.S. in accounting, I attended the job fair at Utah Valley State College. No CPA firms were there because we didn't have a graduate program and nobody was even close to their 150 hours.

But the IRS was there.

The guy at their booth looked like the kid who wrote the letter to the principal explaining his seven well-researched reasons why rope climbing in gym class was was counterproductive.

I asked him what he liked best about working for the IRS. He said he liked finding people who owned a new Cadillac, a new Lexus and a ski boat, but had no taxable income. Basically he liked being nosy to prove that he's smarter than people who don't work for the IRS.

What he should have said is, "They give me a gun, and sometimes I get to shoot people who are bad at math." Then the accounting undergrads would be lining up.

And you know, when you give a mathlete a gun, he's going to think up some pretty badass catch phrases to say when he pops a cap in a tax evader's ass. Things like, "Itemize that, bitch!" and "How's that estate plan coming, bitch?!" and "Looks like somebody's heirs just received a step up in basis on their parents' capital assets that have appreciated over time, bitch!"

TIGTA recently said

The Internal Revenue Service’s Criminal Investigation Division needs to make sure its special agents are taking and passing required firearms training. … Special agents must pass tests, including firing a handgun, entering a building with a firearm, and firing a weapon while wearing a bulletproof vest.

However, anyone who's watched Tommy Boy knows the proper way to enter a building with a firearm is by saying, "Everybody, this’ll only take a second."

TIGTA also found that firearm discharge incidents were not always properly reported.

That’s becoming a bigger and bigger problem because firearm discharge incidents increase proportionally to on-duty gun twirling, and on-duty gun twirling increases when IRS agents choose "I'm your huckleberry" as their post-tax-evader-ass-cap-popping catch phrase.

I contacted my friend Kem Washington. She’s a CPA, a professor at Dillard University, and former gunslinger for the IRS. She said:

As a criminal investigator, I was required to carry a gun. I believe it was a Glock 45. … I learned how to shoot various firearms.

I didn’t ask for clarification because I’d like to assume “various firearms” includes a sawed-off shotgun, a 50-caliber rifle mounted to the roof of a car2, and one uzi in each hand.

I asked if she had ever popped a cap in a tax evader’s ass.

No, I never popped anyone! But really, not many CIs [criminal investigation agents] discharge their weapons (or ever will). Keep in mind, when IRS agents are required to do a search warrant or other activity, they are accompanied by other law enforcement agents, which usually enter prior to CI agents.

Sounds like, if you get hired by the IRS, not only does your boss require that you carry a Glock, you get to command a battalion of armed mercenaries.

So the next time you advise a client to take an aggressive tax position, you’ve got to ask yourself a question: “Do I feel lucky?” Well, do you, punk?3


1 No one thought I meant huge biceps.

2 Probably a Kia.

3 A movie reference from 1971 is an ineffective way to end a post whose target audience is primarily millennials.

Related articles

IRS Agent Threatens to Kill Treasury Agents Then Throws a Conniption Fit

Perhaps buckling under the mere thought of looking through 52,000 different UBS accounts for tax evasion, an IRS Agent in Valencia, CA threatened Treasury Agents with “I’m going to kill all of you!” when they attempted to search his home.

When the agents tried to serve the warrant, Bront tried to rush back inside his home, where he kept three loaded guns, but a Treasury agent aimed a gun at him and another drew out a baton. After his arrest, he kicked the front seat of the law enforcement vehicle and pounded the door with his elbow before telling the agents he didn’t mean it when he threatened to kill them.

Not withstanding the seriousness of threatening federal officers, the image of a 49 year old man kicking the front seat of a car like a child that didn’t get any ice cream is almost too much for us to bear.

IRS Agent: ‘I’m Going to Kill All of You!’ [Web CPA via TaxProf Blog]

Religious Freedom Hanging By a Thread at the IRS?

kirpan.gifOkay maybe that’s a stretch but we’re guessing, what with all the rebellious employees, that the IRS is a tough place to work. Because of this high stress environment, normally rational people may jump to conclusions about otherwise harmless religious symbols.
A judge recently dismissed most of the legal claims of a former IRS revenue agent that wore a kirpan to work.
Continued, after the jump

Web CPA:

The revenue agent, Kawaljeet Kaur Tagore, sued the IRS after she was fired in July 2006 for wearing a “kirpan” to the IRS office in Houston…The blunt knife is traditionally worn in a curved sheath and is supposed to act as a reminder of a Sikh’s duty to protect the weak and promote justice for all. Tagore’s supervisor objected to the dagger, even though she claimed it never set off the metal detector in her building, and she was told to work from home.

How can you not get behind protecting the weak and justice for all? Still, Tagore was fired after refusing to wear a knife with a shorter, 2.5 inch, blade and returning with the 3 inch knife even though, as the original story reports, she had sharper items in her office, including her scissors.
Tagore filed suit earlier this year:

claiming that the government’s conduct violated both the Religious Freedom Restoration Act of 1993 and Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964. The defendants included the IRS, the Treasury Department, the Department of Homeland Security, former Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson, former Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff and several of Tagore’s supervisors.

Bad news is that the judge threw out the some of the Title VII claims but good news is that the one against T. Geith still remains. We’ll continue to follow this story if new developments happen to drop on another painfully slow news day.
IRS Dagger Carrier’s Claims Partly Dismissed [Web CPA Debits & Credits]