June 23, 2018

Here Are Ten Hot Takes on States’ CPA Exam Performance

Hey, look, a map from NASBA:

It's a Thursday in mid-September and since everyone's talking about the Fed and last night's debate, how about some CPA EXAM HOT TAKES? Come on, you don't have anything better to do.

1. First things first — what the hell does NASBA have against the Upper Peninsula of Michigan? Do they think it's the 51st state or something? Can't it get some of that blue ink love, you anti-UP bastards? Get it together, NASBA crayon people.

2. While on the topic of geography, can Alaska and Hawaii not get any respect up in this bitch?

3. Hey, Utah, take a break from studying and drag your 35-member family to see Book of Mormon. You can spare the points.

4. Since we're in the Four Corners region, might as well point out that while legal weed in Colorado has done quite a bit for state revenues, it hasn't done a damn thing for rote memorization.

5. Nebraska is my home state so it's nice to see a solid performance from a place that doesn't do anything else particularly well except grow corn and obsess over a football team that slips ever deeper into mediocrity.

6. Lots of people in Missouri managed to not get shot or run over by a tank on their way to Prometric. Nice job, Show Me Staters!

7. It's bad enough listening to Boston sports fans, but now we have to hear from every Sullivan who's a new CPA about out there how he CRUSHED the exam? Not fair!  

8. WTF Maryland? Maybe MACPA CEO Tom Hood should use some of his star power to pull in Tim Gearty to pound some mnemonic devices into those heads. 

9. North Carolina squeaks into the top 10. I'm sure the AICPA had nothing to do with that.

10. Texas should take some of that accounting brain power and put it in their police force.

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Elijah Watt Sells Award Recipients Make the Rest of Us Want to Puke

The AICPA announced the winners of the Elijah Watt Sells awards yesterday. For you mere mortals, this is an award for the 10 highest cumulative scorers on the CPA exam.
Glancing over the recipients we notice that two Big 4 firms (KPMG and Deloitte) enslave employ five of the recipients. A couple of recipients work in industry and a few more work for smaller, local firms.
This leads to the obvious question of why the hell P. Dubya and E&Y were totally shut out? Grant Thornton and BDO were also blanked. Are the honchos at the Radio Station and Big D giving the worker bees more time to study? Are P. Dubs, E&Y, et al. cutting out the bonuses for passing and thus destroying anyone’s motivation for passing? Are those of you looking to pass already choosing between eating and sleeping (and maybe sex) so studying just isn’t happening? Sells was a Big D founder so maybe the whole thing is rigged? Thoughts anyone?
Oh and congratulate the recipients while you’re at it (without vomiting on them).
AICPA-HONORS-TOP-CPA-EXAMINATION-PERFORMERS.pdf

We’re Here to Listen to Your CPA Exam Stories Because We’re Solid Like That

Cpa_exam.jpgOkay, so the purpose of the Elijah Watt Sells post was not to make any of you feel like you’re lesser accountants. We just figured that a good portion of you were hung over today and the story of 10 individuals that got vomit-worthy scores on the CPA exam would get you past the nausea and running to the bathroom to lose that 3 am breakfast.
Now that you’re feeling better, we want to appeal to the rest of you. We want your CPA exam horror stories. Not because we want you to send you running back into the bathroom to sob in the stall. Not because some people we know passed all four sections in one sitting and don’t have any good stories. No, no. We want your stories because we here to listen to you. Besides, they’re probably funny now anyway. Aren’t they? Even if you’re still mortified or pissed off, this your opportunity to vent about it.
Sooooo, did you run out of gas on the way to the exam site? Did your computer crash with 10 minutes to go and you had to re-take the entire exam? We’re you caught cheating?!? Or watching porn? Impress us…