September 20, 2019

A Guide for Single Accountants Looking for Love This Valentine’s Day

It's February and you know what that means.

No, we don't mean you're just getting into the swing of busy season. Valentine's Day is upon us, which means another reminder that your work life doesn't allow the luxury of a relationship or women at the bar who are not impressed when you tell them "I'm an auditor" or a husband that hasn't forgotten what you look like.

Though we've previously had advice on celebrating Valentine's Day in the midst of busy season for those of you relationshipped-up already, the following is for the singles out there needing a refresher on finding love this weekend:

DO: Choose partners that are of legal age
DON'T: Sext underage girls looking for noods

Omaha accountant Clarence "Fred" Weber averaged 100 sexts a day to a pair of teenage girls in his quest for "love," one which failed miserably when a business title in one of his inappropriate emails gave him away.

DO: Watch "normal" porn if you must
DON'T: Download kiddie porn

Jess Alan Skousen of Mesa, Arizona was arrested at his tax preparation business in 2009 after his wife found inappropriate images of kids on dude's computer. Just no.

DO: Buy pretty girls at the bar a drink, or choose to stay home
DON'T: Harass young girls in your car, asking them to "touch it for a buck"

Christopher M. Green of Columbus, OH — a senior at Crowe Horwath before his randiness got the best of him — was accused of trying to get it on with a 17-year-old girl, who ratted him out for being creepy. He's since lost his license and found God.

DO: Attend fun social events with singles your own age
DON'T: Throw ragers at your place and hide cameras in your bathroom

Although our offender here was a college professor, this applies to everyone. Mark Landis used to teach accounting at San Francisco State University until a student he'd invited over to party noticed a suspicious flashing light inside a box of tissues in the powder room. Upon further investigation, the student discovered a "hidden" camera. Just eww.

DO: Choose hookups that aren't potential independence violations
DON'T: Hook up with the client

Compared to the rest of the winners we've listed so far, the EY audit partner who gave up her career for a few moments of passion with the chief accounting officer at the client's isn't really that bad. Except for the fact that EY had to resign over an "independence violation" and all. NBD.

DO: Tweet us your cutesy confessions of undying love
DON'T: Wait outside of my apartment and take photos of me without my knowledge

We hope this helps you find the love you deserve and not the love of a cellmate named Bubba. Happy Valentine's Day!

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