September 20, 2019

Get Me the F*ck Out of Here: So You Put in Your Two Weeks, Now What?

Awkward office situation

Early on in this series, we covered the first steps to take before quitting your job in public accounting. You brushed up your dusty-ass resume, connected with those obnoxious recruiters on LinkedIn you’ve been dodging since your first days in public, and gently massaged any and all connections you’ve made going back to your Accounting 101 professor. Having prepared yourself thus far, last week we hit the all-important topic of how to say goodbye (spoiler: “fuck you, I’m out” isn’t appropriate for a business environment). So you now have a roadmap that looks a little something like this:

  1. Polish your resume.
  2. Start looking for a new job, or don’t.
  3. Think back on all the people you’ve met since senior year who might be able to help you find a new gig.
  4. Decide on a date to leave, preferably one that doesn’t wildly inconvenience your team, but if it does, so what.
  5. Tell the firm you’re leaving.
  6. Get the fuck out.

Easy peasy, right? For today’s post, you’re kinda sandwiched nicely between steps 5 and 6, which if you were an alcoholic would mean you’ve acknowledged your innumerable wrongs and are completely open to the idea of your higher power cleansing you of these defects of character. Leaving your public accounting job can sort of be like addressing your alcoholism (obviously these two issues often run concurrently, but we’re not here to Dr. Drew you out of the drinking habit you picked up somewhere between FAR and signing your full-time offer) insomuch as you have to “let go and let God,” as they say, and hope there’s something better on the other side once you accept that your life is unmanageable.

Back on topic. Depending on how long you’ve decided to stick around, your final weeks at the firm can be just as bad as your first, or you could just skate by scrolling Reddit and watching mukbang videos the entire time. A lot of this depends on A) your team, B) your firm, and C) how much you give a shit.

Side note: If you’re going the “watch mukbang videos and don’t give a shit” route, may I humbly suggest the following:

Oops, got off topic for a sec there. Again. So how much effort should you put in those final weeks? Well, that’s up to you. Colleagues who lack the testicular fortitude to leave might resent you regardless, so don’t worry too much about them, but by all means do be considerate of your team’s workload and how you fit into it. If you’ve been an asset to your team up until now, continue doing what you’ve been doing up until to the end. Unless of course your firm is one of the weird ones that makes this really awkward and wants you to stay the hell away from your clients once they know you’re leaving because they’re afraid you’re somehow going to poison the well.

Fuck that well. You’re leaving. You don’t care about that well. Obviously we’re not going to encourage you to poison it, but if you get treated as though you might be a not-so-stealth poisoner at every turn in your final weeks at the firm, then why not go ahead and skate through your final weeks and days. Your main goal at that point is staying under the radar and trying to maintain a decent relationship with superiors who are hoping maybe you will be a decision-maker at your new industry gig and come to them for audit services. Or something like that.

Regardless of circumstance, the best piece of advice we can offer is this: Keep your head down and just try to stay invisible. You’ll be gone in no time, no reason to make waves.

One last piece of advice: You’ve read and absorbed the steps, you’ve plotted your escape, you’re determined to make a go of this. All that is fantastic and we support you all the way on your journey from grass to slightly more lime-colored grass, but just consider this before you go: If you’re still dead-set on going, then God be with you. Or whichever invisible deity you may or may not believe in.

Hopefully with good preparation and planning, you don’t even need God or God-like intervention to help you into the next best thing. Here’s hoping that grass is hella green.

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