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Footnotes: Dirty Monks; What’s Up With Alibaba?; Print Your Own Money | 05.07.14

Theft and sex alleged at Kentucky monastery The abbey has accused one of its lay employees, an accountant, of embezzling what could total tens of thousands of dollars or more from its mail-order business. He says he is being falsely accused after blowing the whistle on monks he said engaged in sexual affairs behind the monastery's walls. [USA Today]

Consumer credit is up. Which reminds me, I need to pay my credit card bill… [LA Times]

Alibaba Warns US-China Audit Dispute May Have Repercussions for Investors [WSJ's MoneyBeat]

Scientists have created the most accurate universe simulation to date, which means the aliens should be here to nuke us any day now [Sci-Tech Today]

Twitter's downward slide continues [NYT]

Guys, for the last time, only the Fed is allowed to print money (and for the purists out there, yes I am fully aware that the Fed doesn't actually print money so shut your trap) The counterfeits looked and felt real and could pass any rudimentary test by a retail clerk. Brice, who pleaded guilty to counterfeiting last month in federal court, admits she produced between $10,000 and $20,000 in fake bills over two years before her scam unraveled in September. The Richmond, Virginia, resident “was raising six children on her own with modest income and was filling the gaps by making counterfeit money,” says her lawyer, Charles E. James Jr., of Williams Mullen. [Bloomberg]

What challenges do insurers face in implementing the new IFRS? [Deloitte]

Bank of America Shareholders Question Officials After $4 Billion Error [DealBook]

FYI, mailing shit to your vice principal will get you arrested (same applies in adulthood, I'd assume) [Gawker]