September 17, 2019

Disgruntled Public Accounting Grunts Take To Urban Dictionary To Vent

Perhaps these Urban Dictionary entries pre-date Going Concern – or, as some might call it, "the before time" – when disgruntled public accountants had few forums outside of Facebook or IM to vent about depressing working conditions, billable hours and treatment bordering on slavery.

Notice each of the Big 4 have a similar theme going on. Can you identify what it is?

Deloitte
The last form of slavery in the US. This is where many young people begin careers and work 115 hours a week until they either quit or die from exhaustion. Former Deloitte employees often have scarred backs from the whip marks.

Dave has no social life because he works at Deloitte.

PwC
A company that recruits out the a$$ from college campuses and has a stigma that they are the best out of the "Big Four", some of the most superficial and boastful of the accounting firms. Their numerous internship recruits typically have high G.P.A's yet little to no common sense, and brag before they even start their internship how great they have it. They usually come to their senses after their first year and those that stay past their second haven't worked anywhere else before and don't realize what the words "humane", "happiness", or "fulfilling" are. They typically sacrifice these values for perceived high recognition from the name or "a great salary". They usually have the perception that if you don't have an internship whether by choice or by chance, that you will be a failure all your life. If you DO have an internship yet with a company that's not on their "top-notch radar" then you are subpar. If you have an internship at another Big Four accounting firm, then they continually as why you didn't pick PwC. If you are another intern with PwC, then you are competition and they will not speak with you. Funny, that these individuals are so elitist yet everyone works there. THEY ARE FILLING A QUOTA PEOPLE! YOU ARE NOT SPECIAL!

"Why is Josh such a douche?"
"Oh that's because he found out he's working at PwC."
"No wonder."

Ernst & Young
Essentially a pyramid rip-off scheme Amway would be proud of, the accounting firm Ernst & Young (aka EY) stands as a shining example of why people are willing to accept communism as alternative to a market society. The EY meat grinder is powered by recent college graduates looking for a door into upper-middle management. At the top of the food chain sit the partners and senior managers who glut themselves on the labors of their staffers. Typically, the best staffers are quickly offered more palatable positions at other companies, while others grow tired of the abuse and leave. The unimpressive few that remain are eventually made partners only because they lack the emotional maturity to handle a leadership position in any other industry. The prime directive of the partners is to seek revenge for the countless years of torture they endured as being the awkward kid in high school always picked last for any event. To fill this duty, they seek out any employee under their control with a life and destroy it. This pyramid scheme only works because the capital markets and government either do not know, or do not care, that 90% of the procedures performed to arrive at the all-important audit opinion was performed by a group of disgruntled staffers who graduated college less that 3 years ago and have been over-worked to the point of insanity.

Your company gave you a $3 gift card to Starbucks for your birthday? That's so Ernst & Young.

I was going to include KPMG but, in true KPMG form, the Urban Dictionary entry includes an exact copy of the slavery comment left on Deloitte's page and a lame, racist and homophobic comment about partners that I will not repost here.

Serious question: if it's that bad, why do so many continue to go into accounting?

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