December 18, 2018

Dear Slobs and Whores with No Fashion Sense, This KPMG Video is Just For You

Fashionable baby

Those of you who know me know it’s rare that I’m speechless. I have an opinion on everything from cat food to those little sensors attached to street lights that serve to give priority to approaching emergency vehicles at intersections. And while I have an opinion about the following video I’m about to share with you as well, I’m too busy trying to untwist my neck and shoulders from an uncomfortable cringe position to fully offer an opinion on it at this time. In words, that is.

Watch.

OK first of all, no one should be taking fashion advice from this Bob Lewis guy. His hair is just two sideburns short of making him look like an extra in Westworld. Not Westworld the show, the 1973 film. While his suit is tailored, it only serves to show off his pasty, middle-aged skinnyfat body. NOT A GOOD LOOK FOR A MAN YOUR AGE, BOB. And would it kill you to get a little sun, bro? I’m not talking about slathering yourself in cocoa butter and baking at the beach, but like literally stepping outside once in a while before 8 p.m.

While I of all people understand the importance of professional dress (having worn a t-shirt and skinny jeans to more than one Senate hearing in my day), did we really need a bad Schoolhouse Rock on the subject? It seems to perpetuate this idea that young professionals are snot-nosed brats with gnat-sized attention spans who dress like toddlers and need help matching their socks. Come on, you guys.

We know public accountants need a little help in the fashion department, but do they really need what boils down to a Sesame Street skit on how not to dress like a dweeb to figure it out?

Please stick to handing out gift cards to interns and leave the hokey singalongs to Elmo and Friends.

Related articles

SHOCKER: Number of Fraud Cases in the Courts is High

In probably the most shocking news of the day, KPMG’s “fraud barometer” reports that the number of fraud cases in UK courts in the first six months of the year are the highest since the firm started issuing the report, 21 years ago.
Here in the states, the big sexy fraud gets all the attention but there is plenty of small fraud to go around. Plus, the bright side is, we’ve haven’t seen anything yet:

“These figures are bad, but the worst is yet to come,” Hitesh Patel, a partner at KPMG, said. “It will be a number of years before the impact of the recession fully feeds through into the fraud statistics.”

So our advice would be for any of you that are nervous about layoffs, look into getting transferred to the forensic accounting practice. You won’t be out of work any time soon.
Record total of fraud cases in court – and worse to come [FT.com]

Promotion Watch: KPMG

Forgive us for being a little behind on this, we’re still twisting arms out there:
On July 15th, the Radio Station announced the promotion of 874 new Senior Managers and Managers. This compares to 1,228 that got the bump last year.
Some might say that there were less people up for promotion this year, hence the drop. Others might say “that’s because I got the axe and now live on government cheese”.
Click on the image below for a full-size view of the announcement (please note the crookedness as a sign of authenticity). Anyway, congrats to all the new taskmasters managers at KPMG!
kmpg_memo.gif