Going Concern » Waste Some Billable Hours

Apparently, Sport Coats Can Go a Long Way for Big 4 Auditors

Caleb Newquist — Fri, 27 Aug 2010 14:30:08 +0000

And finger quotes are obviously an effective way of communicating.

Someone is wasting some billable hours in a very fine manner this August.

Earlier:
A Brief Moment in the Life of a Big 4 Auditor

Everyone at Deloitte Worked for Free Today

Caleb Newquist — Fri, 11 Jun 2010 20:56:15 +0000

As you may or may not be aware, it’s Deloitte’s 11th Annual Impact Day today:

“Deloitte is providing hundreds of nonprofit leaders from across the country with valuable counsel to help them deal with common business challenges, at no cost.”

That’s right friends, no one is – gasp – billing time! It’s a 100% green dot free-for-all across this great land.

However, we did speak to one source at the firm who told us that they haven’t participated in Impact Day in 3 years, “everyone leaves me alone so I can get something done,” so despite the message at Deloitte HQ that “no one is available to take your call,” and what you’re reading on Twitter, we know some people are working.

Obviously that’s lame but the real question is how many Green Dots called in sick and are currently getting blitzed watching the World Cup? And keeping an eye on their fantasy teams? AND maniacally laughing while watching Barry Salzberg live Tweet the whole day?

Deloitte’s World Cup Fantasy League Will Ensure That No One Gets Any Work Done for a Month

Caleb Newquist — Mon, 07 Jun 2010 15:32:19 +0000

Barry Salzberg's #1 pick

Deloitte is officially the first Big 4 firm to succumb to their World Cup fever. Understanding that a large portion of its 160,000-ish employees will be completely unproductive for the next month, rather than take reactionary measures, D has instead decided to encourage participation the Deloitte World Cup Fantasy League.

Don’t worry if you happen to work at a less cool firm that would never encourage such egregious behavior, anyone can play in Deloitte’s World Cup Fantasy League, so some KPMG folk can enjoy a little international competition and sport denim twice a week.

PLUS! You could throw some of your hard-earned money around based on PricewaterhouseCoopers picking Brazil as the favorite but Deloitte would rather you spend your precious chargeability obsessing over the hottest player about to go cold in order to win a replica of the World Cup trophy.

And if that’s not worth your time then maybe you aren’t capable of being pleased by anything. Except for perhaps more images of football stars with their shirts off.

[h/t The Big Four Blog]

(UPDATE) Let’s Take a Closer Look at This SEC Accountant’s Porn Activity

Caleb Newquist — Fri, 23 Apr 2010 19:29:37 +0000

Since we’ve been out of the number crunching biz on a day to day basis, our reaction to the 16,000 attempts by an SEC accountant to access porn was simply, “Holy shit, that’s a lot.”

Thankfully, we still have plenty of friends that still burn up the 10-key calcs and we got a drop from one of them a little while ago:

I did [a] calc on that accountant that viewed porn sites up to 16,000 in one month. He was averaging 725x per day (including weekends). That is impressive. I don’t think I can hit 725 times in a year (and I don’t even have a girlfriend), let alone one month.

The best part of this whole ordeal is that it’s now becoming a political football and hyperbole that even makes us scoff.

UPDATE: Our stupid friend is obviously rusty on the calc (they’re no longer in public accounting) and we’ve been re-informed by said friend that 725x is based on 22 workdays (i.e. not including weekends).

Even more importantly, how many accountants out there double-checked this pre-update calc and then failed to get all self-righteous about it?

Furthermore, and perhaps most importantly, the bar has been raised in the wasting time department. Granted this accountant was wasting everyone’s tax dollars while those of you in public accounting are wasting your clients’ dollars but these porn surfing numbers are no doubt a challenge worth accepting. Go forth.

The Latest Challenge for KPMG Employees

Caleb Newquist — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 21:24:37 +0000

Team, KPMG has submitted a challenge to its employees in the Florida/Carolinas/Puerto Rico neck of the woods, and we felt compelled to include the rest of you, just for the sake of expanding the brain pool:

Name the Business Unit Contest
January 22, 2010
How do you describe the most scenic business unit in the nation? From the mountains and outer banks of Carolina to the Everglades and beaches of Florida and the rain forests and blue waters of Puerto Rico, we have it all!
As the former FBU and CBU business units come together, we thought it would be fun to invite each of you to participate in a contest to name the new BU. In addition to bragging rights, a prize will be awarded to the person who submits the winning name.
Remember…be creative and have fun!
Send your ideas to US-FBU CSS COMM Leadership Mailbox by Friday, January 29, 2010. A prestigious selection committee will make the final selection and the winner will be announced by Friday, February 5, 2010.

Lost of questions here: 1) It’s busy season; between reading this fine publicaion, trying to get laid, and wallowing in disappointment, who has time to come up with name for the FlorinasRico business unit? 2) Who’s on the prestigious selection committee and how did they get this cushy gig? 3) Does Phil Mickelson figure into this prize in any way, shape or form? 4) If yes, will Tim Flynn be caddying for you, Phil or both?
You’ve only got until Friday to submit ideas, so we suggest you get on this ASAP.

The GC Metaphor Challenge

Caleb Newquist — Fri, 08 Jan 2010 19:40:19 +0000

Yesterday we shared with you at least one person’s opinion about how quitting the Big 4 is a little like leaving Ike Turner. If that name doesn’t mean anything to you, insert Jon Gosselin. Get it now?
As accurate as that may be (and certainly not a laughing matter), we can’t help but think there are other metaphors that you’ve heard that you might want to share here.
Of course there’s the proverbial pimp/whore relationship but that’s played. Get the team together and come up with something good. We’ve got E&Y tchotchkes to give away as prizes (don’t let that dissuade you E&Y peeps, we’ll come up with something).
We’ll give you a couple of options to work with:
1. Working in the Big 4 is like…
2. Leaving the Big 4 is like…
Annnd go.

Your Nominations for ‘Accountants of the Decade’ Are Now Being Accepted

Caleb Newquist — Fri, 11 Dec 2009 15:17:59 +0000

Friends, you may not be aware of it but the current decade is closing fast. This means several things, a few of which are worth mentioning here: 1) Many of you will embark on this new decade inching ever closer to your first mid-life crisis 2) Many of you will enter a new decade and still not have your CPA despite posing as one for the last 3 – 5 years. 3) Ubiquitous “[insert anything here] of the decade” lists.
Now you may also be aware how we here at GC feel about lists. Not typically a fan. However, considering the historical significance of the end of the ‘0Xs (what the hell is this decade called?) and the fact that we don’t feel like working too hard today, we will now request your nominations for the “Accountants of the Decade”.
We’re looking for those CFOs, CPAs, etc. etc. that defined the decade for you, for better for worse. One possible nom is the man you see pictured here, the oddly stunning yet diabolical Andy Fastow. If you’re not familiar with AF, then please slap yourself.
A few things: 1) No obscure nominations. Your Intermediate Accounting Prof who was constantly eating star mints and wore warmup pants to class doesn’t count. Celebrity CPA Review instructors, on the other hand, are acceptable. 2) CFOs in form but not in substance are acceptable (e.g. Erin Callan). 3) Don’t blow this off. It’s important.
So fire away, and feel free to make an argument. If you’ve got a favorite picture with your nomination, kindly pass it along and we’ll include it if we end up putting this to a vote. We’ve got less than three weeks until the ball drops so get on it.

KPMG Has Its Reasons for Banning Google Talk

Caleb Newquist — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 19:28:36 +0000

Klynveldians have been warned about certain software that should not, under any circumstances, be downloaded by any of you:

In the firm’s defense — and since they didn’t mention it — many of these programs are used by you to waste precious billable hours complaining to each other about a myriad of things including why the Phil Mickelson hats only come in black and white and where Tim Flynn and John Veihmeyer buy their suits (we hear Marshall’s but that could be total bupkis).
Furthermore, we’re not going to sit here and say that none of these programs present a legitimate risk. That would be foolhardy and insensitive.
What we do wonder about is what “disciplinary action” involves. Feel free to wildly speculate on this in the comments.

Caption Contest Reminder

Caleb Newquist — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 17:16:03 +0000

Don’t forget to submit your captions for last Friday’s contest. We’ll take submissions through midnight tonight and run the poll tomorrow morning.

Employee Satisfaction Survey: GC Edition

Caleb Newquist — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 20:05:08 +0000

In the spirit of what appears to be survey week, we’re honoring requests to do our own survey. Plus we’ve been inspired by some questions that we’ve seen in the comments.
We’ve presented a few questions for you to answer, after the jump. Feel free to add your more appropriate “D” answer to any of them. We also encourage you to keep submitting your questions with multiple choice responses.

Question 1 – I feel that I am recognized for my performance:
A. Too frequently by ass-grabs.
B. Not frequently enough by ass-grabs.
C. I prefer to not be recognized for my performance because I don’t like anyone talking to me and if I have one more conversation with one of these idiots I’m punching that idiot in the face.
Question 2 – Leadership’s communication:
A. Is jamming up my inbox to the point that I can’t locate my porn newsletters.
B. Is helpful when I’m having trouble vomiting.
C. Would be much more tolerable if it was a show tune sung by Hugh Jackman.
Question 3 – I feel that my compensation:
A. Is about as fair as getting kicked in the genitals on a daily basis.
B. Is appropriate if I had not finished high school.
C. Makes my friend, who delivers newspapers, laugh.

Ernst & Young Pranks Involve Heavy Lifting, Possibly Spending $200-$300

Caleb Newquist — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 21:12:19 +0000

In these tough times, office pranks are the perfect remedy for all the bad attitudes out there. Except for you no-fun-under-any-circumstances types.
From an E&Y office in (we’re assuming) the Northeast:

our latest prank was to get the nascar fan in the office a thrill by putting a race car bed over his cube when he returned from his trip to dover for the weekend with some co-workers for the Dover 400 race.

Photos, after the jump

Wonder Bread getting a little exposure.

It’s one thing if one of perpetrators boosted this thing from their nephew. It’s a whole new level of prank-commitment if they put it on the expense report.

Firm Mascot Challenge: PwC

Caleb Newquist — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 21:35:39 +0000

We’ll assume everybody is down with the KPMG Pomeranian and Uncle Dangle for Deloitte. If not, speak now or shut your pieholes.
There’s some resistance to the idea of famous Governor banger, Ashley Dupre, being worthy of the PwC Mascot.
Frankly, since P. Dubs has made some feel like prosties already and has also shown that, as firm, they don’t mind whoring themselves out for some scratch, the argument can easily be made that Ashley is the perfect mascot. On the other hand, the point has been made, and is duly noted, that high-priced call girls are much cooler than any accounting firm.
So you see the problem here but it’s not our decision. We’ll leave it up to you. State your submission for the PwC mascot and give a brief explanation for said suggestion in the comments.
Keep it clever people, mascots already assigned to any other team or organization will be ignored with extreme prejudice. On with it then.

Method Man Hasn’t Spoken to His CPA in 3-4 Years

Caleb Newquist — Fri, 09 Oct 2009 20:12:17 +0000

NBD.

Also: TaxProf Blog and DB.

GC October Survey

Caleb Newquist — Fri, 09 Oct 2009 16:13:59 +0000

All right people, it’s gotten to the point where we need to know some things about you. TPTB kindly ask that you take a short, perfectly harmless survey.
Your participation is strongly encouraged because 1) you get to tell us how you really feel and B) we asked Chuck for a favor and he’s agreed to track down those of you that don’t play ball.
Personally, unless you’re Natalie Gulbis, we’re not interested but we don’t call the shots around here. Oh, and if you participate, you have a chance to win $100 AMEX gift certificate, which sure beats the hell out of a sharp stick in the eye.
We appreciate your participation.

Accounting Today’s List of Top 100 People Is Kinda Predictable

Caleb Newquist — Thu, 01 Oct 2009 18:31:08 +0000

It’s nice that the folks over at AT put a list together so we’ve got something to talk about but it’s a fairly predictable list. The inclusions that we did like were Paul Caron over at TaxProf Blog and Bernie Madoff but otherwise it’s not too exciting.
There are a fair amount of politicians (including BO and T. Geith) and bureaucrats on the list which just indicates the slow, antagonizing descent financial accounting rules are making into direct government oversight. Barney Frank on the list is no surprise, we’re just thankful that Maxine Waters didn’t sneak on there because we would have stormed the AT offices with torches.
Pols aren’t nearly as surprising from a tax policy perspective but still, seeing Charlie Rangel on the list is dubious since he can’t even track how many rent-controlled apartments he has.
More, after the jump

The Big 4 are represented by:
• KPMG – Tim Flynn and John Veihmeyer
• PwC – Dennis Nally and Robert Moritz
• E&Y – Jim “I heart global accounting standards” Turley.
• Deloitte – Jim Quigley and Dr. Phil Salzberg
Eddie Nusbaum also made the list for GT but sadly, he doesn’t have a rose in his teeth. The token “large but not TOO large” picks are the McGladrey & Pullen Managing Partner and Clifton Gunderson CEO.
If you’ve got some time to waste today, go download the digital edition and approve of or call bullshit on whoever you see fit.