KPMG Doesn't Need You, FORTUNE; It Has Plenty of Other Employer Rankings That Say It’s Still a Great Place To Work

Oh Christ, the FORTUNE1 100 Best Companies to Work For came out today, which means marketing and PR teams all across Corporate America are on high alert. Who went up? Who went down? Who's new on the list? Who's off the list? Who gives a shit? That's my take. If you're not Google, then you suck. I want an employer who has a cafeteria that serves the most obscure cuisine on the planet (e.g. BBQ Tasmanian devil short ribs with poached platypus eggs) and I want it for FREE. If you can't make that happen, then I might as well be working for the Taliban as the Womens Initiative coordinator. 

But you know what? This year something special actually happened on the FORTUNE list. Something that you may find unexpected and downright shocking. That's right boys and girls -- KPMG is MIA. The House of Klynveld has been a stalwart on the list since 2006, but for reasons largely unknown, the HoK has disappeared from the F100BCTWF in 2013. If you need a moment, then please take it now.

[looks at watch]

Okay, that's enough. Let's first look at the accounting firms that did make the list:

25. Plante Moran

47. Deloitte

57. Ernst & Young

80. Rothstein Kass

81. PwC

Because this oversight is an OUTRAGE and would not go unnoticed by many (okay, mostly just us) it demands an explanation.

KPMG Chairman and CEO John Veihmeyer (who is undoubtedly dealing with a lot this week already) communicated with Klynveldians yesterday afternoon to try and make sense of the situation. 

First off, JV and Deputy Chair and COO Scott Ozanus were "disappointed, and frankly surprised" that KPMG was not one of the esteemed 100 employers. John and Scottie can't really give an explanation since they aren't intimately familiar with how the FORTUNE sausage gets made, but they took the time to remind everyone of the firm's presence "on a host of other external benchmark rankings" and "believe it is important that we are consistently included in the FORTUNE rankings."

While this story isn't as confusing as trying to understand why some dude's dead girlfriend isn't actually dead or even a real-life person, it may be easier to read it in their own words, so we've obtained the letter and presented the text on the next page.