We've receieved the first ridiculous farewell email of 2013 and it continues the trend of TMI professional good-byes that go viral among the public accounting industry.
Only by the stroke of luck did the following farewell email end up in our inbox. You see, we've been informed and confirmed that it had, in fact, it been purged from PwC's servers quickly after it was sent last Friday. However, a few people managed to get text sent to us. Here's the first portion (the rest is on page 2, it's far too long to be on one page).
Purpose: To convey in the most appropriate way possible via email the widely known fact that I am jumping aboard a ship to sail to calmer waters and greener pastures.Evidence Gathered: What can I say? The time has come. Well, its technically the third time I have put this action in motion but as the saying goes - "third time is a charm." It is almost a jaded message but one that I think inherently conveys the angst with which I have anticipated this day. Honestly, it comes with different emotions than I would have anticipated years ago. There is a small feeling of separation anxiety and a small insecurity with the choice made. Yet, I think it's safe to say these manly emotions can be attributed to the immense success of PwC's 2009 Propaganda Campaign which I became acquainted with on 10/4/2009, my glorious first day.Rhetorical Question: Do you want to be a success in life?? Great, you need to stay until at least manager. Don't worry, while this may result in diabetes, the dismantling of a few relatively important relationships, high cholesterol, obesity, an innate dissatisfaction of your life, and an ever-decreasing level of self-respect, your odds of becoming a CFO are greater. Jobs you are passionate about do not really exist anyway. Shut up and crunch numbers.What can I say, they had me sold. I thought I would potentially stay until this magnificent milestone. And why not? PwC will give you 25% of your salary when you make it as an extra bonus. And you won't want that money the day of the promotion. Why would you? Honestly, you realistically don't even need it which is one of the contributing reasons they make you do 3 years to Senior and 3 years to Manager. How much more money could they possibly give you? At the end of the day, greed is evil, and in essence, they are protecting you. So hold tight for 9 more months and the money is yours. Does anyone else feel like PwC is a desperate girlfriend who knows you are continuously trying to break up with her so she finds any way possible to keep you around for another day, week, month??? Maybe I need to date smarter, or just be smarter. Who knows (unfortunately, the Atlanta and Denver offices)? Then again, I chalk up the ignorance to the distraction the copious amounts of money I have been rewarded has provided.
From there things get personal, as our scribe recounts awful projects that he worked on during his tenure, so its context is largely lost (judge for yourself after reading). Which is fine! It wasn't meant for us to read anyway. I got in touch with the author and he said as much, writing in an email, "Didn't think it'd spread like that. Was intended to more humorous than vengeful," and only meant for "friends and peers."
That's usually the case; no one thinks that their farewell to friends and colleagues will amount to a viral sensation on some obscure website, but when it ventures into 1,000+ word territory, it starts coming off as a rant, rather than a good-bye, no matter what your intention is. A few people may pass it along and you can take it from there.
And really, the email isn't nearly as vengeful, depressed, or self-absorbed as some of the emails we've read in the past. And it doesn't absolve any total responsibility or trash their superiors. That may be slightly humorous for some, but it's also pretty classless. For anyone considering a farewell such as this, let us remind you of some key pointers to avoid yours coming off badly.