• Big 4

    What Do We Think Is Going Through KPMG CEO Lynne Doughtie’s Mind During This Interview?

    By | January 25, 2018

    If you’re a Big 4 CEO, part of your job includes bopping around lavish business events like the World Economic Forum. KPMG U.S. CEO Lynne Doughtie is no exception, but given this week’s events, you can’t help but wonder if she’s doing so with a raging fire atop her head.

    Not that you would know by watching this video:

    She’s no different than other CEOs. Poised. Optimistic. Inspired.

    But in the back of her mind somewhere, she has to be thinking about how, 4,000 miles away, her firm is the middle of public relations and existential nightmare. So what’s that interior monologue saying? It’s impossible to know, but here is one likely stream of consciousness:

    • ShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShit
    • How many times did I have to go to lunch Middendorf? A dozen? A hundred? The guy ate like a pig. Disgusting.
    • What if I just strapped on a pair of skis and disappeared into the Swiss Alps?
    • How many times have we told people ‘Imagine the content of your email being on the front page of the Wall Street Journal‘? Is it possible that that suggestion doesn’t work?
    • Everyone’s innocent until proven guilty. The DOJ has made mistakes before.
    • ShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShit
    • Dear God, please have Trump get busted with a Russian prostitute. I’ll never ask you for anything again.
    • My career is fine. Fine. I’m the CEO. Sure, the buck stops with me, but we fired the bad apples. Just a few bad apples. Right? We got them all. Didn’t we? I’m sure we did. I mean, who else is left? Just a few bad apples. Just a few bad apples.
    • ShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShit
    • When the is interview going to be over? I have to pee.


    • Ron Burgundy

      The other Kpmg articles were good, but this article feeds off of those, and it has nothing of real value to add on to the story. It seems as if going concern posts articles just to post them. Is this the best you can do?

      • OldRetiredAccountant

        Dude, lighten up. It was just a little bit of a chuckle. And not bad.

      • Big4Veteran

        He’s trying. I applaud him for that.

        • Ron Burgundy

          That’s not “trying”. A high school kid could’ve drafted a better article than this. What a waste of keyboard strokes.

          • sludgemonkey

            You suck.

    • Ron Burgundy


    • Corporate Liaison

      Requirements for the job include Knowledge of homilies , ability to sound like a motivational poster, the ability to pronounce the word “important” like a normal person