• Career Center

    #BusySeasonProblems: Avoiding Scurvy

    By | February 17, 2015

    Yesterday I realized –- to my feigned horror — that I haven’t eaten a piece of fruit in over five months. Five months? Yeah, something like that. I’ve been eating firm-provided meals at my desk and pilfering Rice Krispy Treats and pretzel sticks from the audit room snack drawer for as far back as I can remember. I haven’t ventured to the grocery store since Labor Day. I know this because I found a half-eaten package of "all-beef" hotdogs in the bottom of my veggie drawer yesterday dated “Best by 9.30.14.”

    Accounting has turned me into a fast-food-eat-while-I’m-working junkie. But are there more people like me? You know the type: Eating chicken fried rice out of Styrofoam take-out trays at our desks, too stressed to eat a fibrous salad and without the time to cook an honest meal?

    Maybe accounting is slowly killing all of us. Imagine if we're all so busy with our filing deadlines that we had no time to eat fruit, and imagine if we all developed land scurvy. The Great CPA Scurvy Scare of 2015. The AICPA would be ALL OVER THAT. I’m sure it’s not the grossest thing a CPA’s been infected with given the intra-office hookups we’ve all witnessed, but think of all the accounting-related PIRATE JOKES a CPA Scurvy Scare would spawn.

    Why did the pirate accountant fail AUD?

    He got a seventy-FARRRRRGH.

    Which part of the CPA exam did the pirate accountant fail twice?

    FARRRRR

    My time spent in the audit room reminds me (bitterly) of the things I haven’t had time to do recently:

    Eat fruit Most definitely not eating fruit. Unless fruit-flavored snacks count. I know we need the vitamins in fruit to live. But that takes grocery shopping, and grocery shopping takes time, and during busy season, ain’t nobody got time for that. CPAs who have their lives together and can manage to maintain a healthy lifestyle –- how do you do it?

    Work out Only the lucky folks at PwC who have those walking treadmill desks can stay fit during this time of year. “Let me go ahead and answer these review notes while I’m walking on a treadmill in these high heels and nylons I wore to the office this morning…”

    Laundry My co-worker hasn’t washed a load of laundry in four weeks. “Too busy,” she said. She claims to spray down her sweaters with Febreze every couple of days, as if Febreze is intended as a substitute for good old soap and water. “When am I supposed to find time to wash my clothes when we’re working until 11pm?” Jeez, woman, a machine does all the washing anyway, it's not like you have to beat your sweater against a rock yourself. I’m behind on laundry, too, but I’ll start dropping my clothes off at that “pay by the pound” laundromat on my way to the client site at 7am before I start turning sweaters inside out.

    Riddle me this: If we’re all working at our desks, heads down in the Excel workbooks, until all odd hours of the night, eating slimy chicken tenders and salty fries from a Styrofoam Big Boy tray, how do we find time to grocery shop or work out or launder our clothes?

    I can’t make it until April without at least a piece of fruit because I’ve now convinced myself that I’m going to die a scurvy-related death. I stopped by the gas station this morning on my way to work and bought a bottle of orange juice and a banana. Here goes nothing, down the hatch.

    • Another exKPMGer

      You should definitely buy those squeeze apple sauce things with twist off tops they make for kids and keep them in the audit room. That’s a form of fruit product and they don’t taste half bad.

      • N.E.R.D.

        Mmmmmmm. Delicious substitute fruit product….9/10 accountants can’t tell the difference!

    • Big4Veteran

      It’s probably hard to get fresh fruit in Detroit, with it being a war zone and all.

      • Jennifer

        You can shut your mouth right now.

      • iamthelolrus

        >first Leona May article not complaining about Detroit
        >top comment complaining about Detroit

        I like your style

    • Jizzmane3

      Why did the font randomly get smaller? LSD flashback?

    • Jennifer

      Grocery shopping on my way home from work makes me grouchy, but I appreciate it later.

      • The Horniest Partner

        you grouchy = me horny

        • FartDude

          he’s back!!!!

          Huzzah!!!!

        • PWC Prick

          Go get her, Horny!

          • Jennifer

            Completely unwanted and unwelcome.

      • 080080

        Protip: never shop for groceries before you’ve eaten.

    • Serious question, do any of you use grocery delivery services during busy season? Or it just the entire shopping/cooking/cleaning up later thing that’s such a pain?

      • JessterCPA

        I do online shopping at my local grocery store. I submit my order by 6pm Thursday night, and I schedule up a 9-930am Saturday morning pickup. On my way to get my morning coffee, etc, I pick up my groceries, then go home and work the rest of the day. I don’t do the delivery service, because I am now bound home no matter what until the delivery boy shows up.

        Works great…costs me $7.50 each time, but every 4th time is free.

        • Jennifer

          My overly earnest reply would be to get a small deep freezer and throw together meals in freezer bags when it’s not busy season. Chopping and prepping is the really boring so inviting friends over and serving liquid fruit, as DE-what’s his name called it, makes it more bearable. You can throw one bag in the crock pot that morning.

          • N.E.R.D.

            Wow, such survival skills.

            Life must be rough in Detroit.

            • 080080

              Do you two know eachother?

            • N.E.R.D.

              I don’t know anybody on this site in real life. Probably for the better.

            • Jennifer

              Oh! I forgot to mention that the meat that goes into the recipes would be those who compete against me for resources. Two birds, one stone.

              It’s a Detroiter-eat-Detroiter world.

      • JessterCPA

        In the same vein, a fantastic dry cleaning/laundry service picks up/drops off at my office every Tuesday/Friday. Costs less than my local guy to boot. Most firms I have worked at have a service like this. Not sure why people wouldn’t use it.

      • FartDude

        My old firm offered in office dry cleaning pickup and delivery.
        My current firm offers fresh fruit every week in the office.
        I use the fresh fruit a lot more than I used the really pricey dry cleaning service.
        I’ve thought about using grocery delivery services, but always say fuck that when I see the prices.

        • JessterCPA

          There are definitely services that charge out-of-whack prices. Since I’m a cheap CPA, I have found a route I am happy to pay for.

    • Only if beer counts as a vegetable.

    • 080080

      There is a class of staff in my office that still live with their parents. Their parents do the grocery shopping, cooking and cleaning for them.

      I am jealous of that arrangement, but I could never emulate it because I like being able to get laid.

      Although, eating shitty, unhealthy meals, not cleaning my place for months and not doing laundry jeopardizes my chances of getting laid even more. What is a guy to do?

      • JessterCPA

        Hire a cleaning/laundry lady.

        • N.E.R.D.

          This.

          They did in three hours what I couldn’t/wouldn’t do in three months.

          • 080080

            I bet they did.

            • N.E.R.D.

              I don’t get it.

            • BasisPoints

              I think it was a rimjob joke?

        • 080080

          Wouldn’t that be considered prostitution?

          • JessterCPA

            Only if you fuck the cleaning lady for money.

            …and if you have seen my cleaning lady, you will understand why that has never been a thought.

            • The Horniest Partner

              even in a pinch?

            • JessterCPA

              even in a pinch.

              I like where your thought process is going here THP, but sadly, she’s not even ‘in a pinch’-able.

          • FartDude

            What kind of cleaning ladies are you using?

            All the ones I’ve seen are old polish ladies, and you wouldn’t want them ‘cleaning’ you.

            • 080080

              I don’t have a cleaning lady. I’ve only seen cleaning ladies on the internet.

      • FartDude

        Peapod?
        Cleaning service?
        Dry cleaners?
        Buy more underwear? (I knew a guy in college who did this. Everytime he ran out of undies, he made a shopping trip, until he went home so mom could wash them. I’m guessing he just rewore the rest of his filthy clothes).

        • PWC Prick

          That’s nasty!

      • linlin29

        there’s something hot about doing a guy while his parents are in the next room, while they’re praying you’re both just watching a movie. But it’d be hard to wash off the shame of getting with a guy who lives with his parents. I’d need to weigh the pros/cons in an excel sheet

        • N.E.R.D.

          I’ve just never heard of such a fetish.

      • FormerBig4

        Rubbing one out in the stall after your morning constitutional does not qualify as getting laid.

    • FartDude

      Not a single comment about how horrible Detroit is?
      I am shocked. Is this really a Leona article or did Kyte ghost-write this one?

      • PWC Prick

        Detroit is da bomb diggity!

    • FartDude

      yes.

    • Coxswain3

      Great read! Started out shaky on the capitalizing things for no reason bus was overall very relatable and well written!

      8/10

    • Bomo69

    • Deloitte Douche

      Bro, just smoke some medicinal shiznit and all of your problems disappear.

    • B4Senior

      Isn’t Scurvy just from lack of Vitamin C? Pretty sure you could get your daily dose in any number of readily available forms… fruit snacks, energy drinks, a multi-vitamin, etc.

      • JessterCPA

        Someone just tweeted that a plate of French Fries has enough Vitamin C to ward off scurvy.

    • big4dropout

      We asked for healthy snacks in our break room (implying fruit, anything with whole grains, etc). We ended up with Snackwells. I didn’t even know those still existed. 1995 called, they want their snacks back.

    • It really makes me angry how the culture is to admire people who are working until ridiculous hours of the night.

      This sounds like a typical working life of someone in a big four firm anyway…

    • Chris

      I kind of wish I did contract scurvy..couldn’t be any worse than these ending tax returns

    • ZGF

      This is why I have a husband.