The blog Energized Accounting asks if accountants make better lovers. Now before you all squawking about how you’re an animal in the sack, let’s try to be realistic about this question.
First of all, this makes the assumption that accountants are getting laid in the first place. This is mostly farcical for a couple reasons: A) Lots of accountants have to choose between sleeping and eating already because of the hours they work. You throw in boot-knocking and some excel wizards are going to start starving to death; and 2) Unofficial statistics have shown that seven out ten accountants have no game. You may not know who you are but your friends do.
So based on that, 30% of you are getting some action. And since there is a rampant proclivity to date co-workers (which we will exclude for this exercise) among accountants that narrows it down to about 5% of accountants having sex with non-bean counters. As we mentioned, you’re working most of the time so where the hell is this hot sex happening? We’re thinking that national training sessions might be one spot, where you’re picking up prosties or random hot townies in whatever strange city you happen to land in? Accountants treat national training like Vegas so pretty much anything goes but what about the other 51 weeks in the year? Is that what is going on at those two hour lunches? Do some client locations have rooms set up for this like a swing-joint? Try to enlighten us without making a scene.
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Methinks now that E&Y’s FSO training is non-sleepover there will be many more auditors itching to break that dry spell. Try picking them up at Bar 41.
National Trainings = Orgies.
Long term out of town assignments = mad hook-ups, maybe even a partner or director getting dirty with a subordinate. No lie.
Vegas = Banned by KPMG as an event location.
Intern trainings = Chinese fingercuffs.
Unless alcohol is flowing accountants are not getting down. But open the bar and the panties drop but even some dudes @ the Big 4 have no game and no amount of alcohol will get them laid.
Heard about a staffer on a project in Amsterdam…let’s just say per diem treated them very very well.
It doesn’t help that at KPMG trainings (national ones) when we still had such a thing (all canceled since last year) that anyone under manager was assigned a roommate! You could write a book about the stories from just that sentence. It pissed people off to no end!
Funny that all these KPMG kids are posting in here. Are they even an accounting firm? Grant Thorton is more ‘Big 4′ than KPMG folks. KPMG or Toliet and Douche = Epic FAIL.
@1 – EY still has anyone working in FSO?
SHOCKING
You going to Bar 41 tonight? I’ll be in the corner with the black turtleneck and the longdong.
I can attest that SPODE is an F’n animal in bed.
When he goes down and I can’t see his head.
In his bodega with that neon sign pulsating red.
I hit the big O so hard I thought I was dead.
-Bess Levin, Dealbreaker.com
@6…classic.
@4…you have achieved a new level of douche bag by comparing Grant Thorton to KPMG and DT…as if anyone cares. You exemplify what is wrong with the accounting profession.
Go step in front of a bus.
Bess @6, I,m blushing.
SPODE
Thanks for the mention, Caleb. I love what you did with the material!
Energized
@7 they may not service companies as big but at least people dont have their lives as much and get the same shit done.
More monkeys on one project, more hours, minimal extra salary. Fuck those firms
@7 4 obviously got laid off from either KPMG or DT and is just pissy that they can’t hook up at a national training anymore. Everyone from new staff to partners know that there’s at least one night where the drinks flow, the panties drop, and some kid earns their way up the corporate ladder
@7 and @11, 4 here, actually I didnt get laid off from KPMG or DT, I would never go to those shit firms. Bottom line is DT is a consulting firm pretending to be an accounting firm and KPMG is a joke from a revenue, PPP, prestige and reputation perspective. EY is legit but P-Dub runs the industry.
PwC SECURE.
12=some bitch staff thinking he completely understands the big picture
13, 12 is kinda right though the big picture is that DT and KPMG are not relevant in terms or prestige, PPP, or reputation in the industry.
just sayin ‘the bitch staff’ has a valid point.
@14 13 Here……tell 12 to give me some independent numbers. And dont give me the BS spin from your firm somehow justifying that your firm is #1 and saying that you are so far above the other firms that you don’t want to talk down about them, only to turn around and make up stories about how awful the other firms are.
http://www.eidebailly.com/about/firmranking.pdf
@12. I dont see you guys at the top, how come? Search CCH for this years PAR report and you will find similar results. STFU and get some facts next time. Funny with all that “reputation and prestige” I figure you guys would be at the top. Then again, I shouldnt expect a POS staff to get the BIG Picture
Seriously 12…Look at the revenue % growth as well – DT and KPMG are the highest…fastest growing perhaps.
PwC = Pricks with Calculators.
Some of PwC’s esteemed clients:
AIG…no need to list more but…
Satyam…
Real prestigious.
Now STFU. Loser.
Wait, Grant Thornton still exists?
16 and 17 – EPIC FAIL. Revenue % in which lines of service? I guarantee it’s not Tax or Audit (which are the REAL accounting lines of service – not advisory (DT’s specialty) or fraud (KPMG’s specialty – dont make me link the article about your partners being arrested for fraud)
The big picture is that EY and PwC pwn DT and KPMG in ACCOUNTING related lines of service.
Suck my prick whilst I calculate.
P-dub 4 lyfe
@18 Dont you see the rose commercials on CNBC like they want to tango with you wearing purple as the engagement letter is signed?
19=real dumb ass. Very creative with the “epic fail”. Is that new? Once again some know-it-all POS staffer with no facts and all talk. Im sure your quality of work is real good. How come DT is ahead of you guys in terms of revenue? More attest clients? Yes. Only E&Y has more. 2009 PAR report should be available so find it and let me see what you find. DT on top again. Have fun listening to the company line instead of doing some independent thinking-just take 5 minutes out of your day of copying and do a little research. STFU and come back with some numbers (bc that is what ACCOUNTING is about right?)
21 – As an outsider reading these comments, 19 may not have the facts correct but you actually look like the bigger idiot for so aggressively defending your firm. It is clear 19 is just baiting you. It is also clear you are too insecure not to fall for it.
Are you insecure about working at a less prestigious accounting firm? Or that a ’staffer’ is pretty much controlling you at this point by making you constantly respond to his comments?
Either way, I’d say he is making you look like a tool.
I am surprised he hasn’t mentioned that DT is the only firm to announce layoffs…I’m sure he is getting to that point.
Only firms to announce layoffs???? I know you said outsider but damn at least step a little closer. Every firm has laid people off. And baiting me? Of course that is what anonymously blogging on a post like this is for. What do you think im doing on here. I posted facts from an independent source. If you were not an outsider, you would realize that during recruiting every firm tells you they are the best and talk sh!t about every other firm, even mid-level. Truth is not factual evidence is ever presented. Im tired of hearing people at other firms talk down to everyone else when they have no facts. So tell you what-19 I apologize, 23 is the real dumb ass
@22 – Go back to ATL or Dealbreaker
23 – you did get one thing right:
“So tell you what-19 I apologize, 23 is the real dumb ass”
I accept your apology and applaud you for aknowledging that you are in fact a ‘the real dumb ass’ -that takes some real courage man…
19
24 – Go dry hump a spreadsheet.
Hugs and kisses,
22
Higher revenue so STFU
27 revenue doesn’t translate to profit per partner you insipid twit.
And I never said that dipsh!t, but good spin. Do you work in HR? If so you must be putting together the PP slides for the recruits. Is PPP how you guys claim to be #1? Try 2.5 Billion more in revenue in FY2008. Sure we had 800 more partners, but you do the math on that. Thanks for keeping my afternoon entertaining
DT, EW, pwc, Blah Blah, is there a difference? The fact is all you bitches have the exact same title, ‘Fucking Auditors’.
Every three months across this great nation of ours companies collective let out a painful sigh and proclaim in unison “Fucking Auditors, any way we can push those clowns off till next week?”
You are all the same, an annoyance that tries landing on all the important hours in my day. How many times must I say “No go away!; re-read the notes from the previous audit. What firm do you work for again?”
There is no prestige in accounting. You will not have strippers telling you how sexy you are.
If I told you I worked at O’Mel or Lathem or MS would you be impressed? Then why would anyone be impressed if you work for pw, Grant Thorton or DT, all the same.
30 – FYI accounting firms also have tax and consulting practices as well as audit practices….so….1) you sound silly 2.) P-dub for life 3.) WTF is a ‘Lathem’?
Utterly amusing read. The whole “mine’s bigger than yours” exchange pretty much confirms the premise of this post… lol
I can’t believe you two are actually arguing about who makes more revenue…
BOTH of you need to get LAID…w/o/f/e.
this is really, truly sad. what is this, middle school? wonder why so many people are getting laid off? because apparently the big 4 employs/employed a bunch of clowns